When The World Moves On
Anyone who has buried a family member or close friend knows that one of the hardest days of all is the day the rest of the world moves on. Initial news of the events surrounding your loved one’s death open a torrent of response and your home usually quickly fills with friends, family, food and care. Though no one really knows exactly what to say in these moments, and for the most part shock hasn’t yet given way to the reality of it all, we find great comfort and support in the faces of those we love.
Soon, the funeral home is filled with people we know and some we don’t, people come from near and far, a service is held and a long procession winds to that place where our bodies finally rest. In the whirlwind the wishes are well, the hugs numerous and the cards, calls and notes steadily come. Yet, in time, people return to the pace of their days. Soon, it dawns on us that our hearts are still breaking while those around us merge back onto the freeways that are their day to day lives. Faster than we would hope, everything around us shifts back to normal while we are just beginning to feel the weight of our pain and the finality of our loss.
I say this not to blame the world, for people cannot bear every burden of every person for the long haul. Rather, to just affirm for those of you who have been left standing there that you are not alone.
In a small way, that is why we have dedicated these days to the memory of Ashley Akins, championing her story as if to say, “We have not simply moved on.” We have not forgotten her, nor have we moved so far past the pain that we have ceased to bear the burden of those she loved. Though her story has swept the globe, bringing good Ashley could have never imagined, the truth is her family would give it all back to have her in their arms again.
To Jeremy and Christa, thank you for allowing us to barge into your world and tell your story. We all can identify with you as none of us are where we want to be in that process of embracing those who are different from us or who may be totally against the things we hold so dearly. I know you are more than characters in a story, you are friends who grieve and a couple who has walked through your own pain and loss in recent months. We love you and are so thankful for your lives.
To Ashley’s friends (initials and names in her story, the closest of friends and those she deeply loved), thank you for allowing us to share your friendship with Ashley. I know it must feel weird for the whole world to become aware of your friend and to call her theirs. But we all know we never knew her on the level you did, nor did we ever share the intimacy of life and laughter you had. Your Ashley has become quite famous in her own right, but I think you all saw the depth of passion and truth in her love for Jesus and know she would love to be a part of the whole world hearing about Him. But, one of the things I love about her most is she never walked away from you and never thought her new-found faith should be a barrier between her and those she loved. Instead, she always loved you, sought to be with you and openly shared with you about the One who had changed her heart. We all love you too (I know that sounds weird), simply because she did. We are thinking about you as you carry her loss and wish the very best for you in the days ahead.
And to Ashley’s family. You know how I feel about you. You have been embraced by the world, loved from near and far, prayed for every moment of the day from somewhere on earth and surrounded by people who are so grateful for your generosity. We cannot fully fathom the brokenness of your hearts, but we are holding you in ours… and we are not moving on without you.
Louie
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:37 PM
Amen.
RIP Ashley
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 PM
I trust that God is blessing Ashley’s family us much as He’s blessed thousands and thousands of people with her life and story.
Amen indeed.
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:20 AM
Special and so significant. Meaningful and comforting…..such a blessing to witness God actively and clearly embracing Ashley’s family through a thread that extends more and more…… and is in reality unbreakable. I just envision the day this thread will reach the needle and Ashely’s story will then be sown together to the great, eternal, heavenly quilt of redeeming tales. And her family’s and friends names will be knitted on it. Lord, this is my intercession.
May 4th, 2009 at 10:47 AM
We are all united under the shadow of the cross and looking forward to that Day when the glory of God will forever shine over us, His name will be written on us and we will be together with Him forever! Until that very day, may God keep blessing Ashley’s family and friends more and more.
I do hope Ashley’s father and Ashley’s ex-boyfriend experience the life changing GRACE she did.
Still with you,
Rodrigo – Sao Paulo, Brazil
May 5th, 2009 at 4:52 PM
Dear Mr. Giglio,
I have been searching for a way to contact you for about a week, since I heard you speak about Ashley in one of your videos at my church. It brought me to tears because it reminds me so much of my friend Lindsay. You see, I am the “fruitcake” of my story (for over 1 1/2 years now). And as you probably know, being a fruitcake isn’t the easiest thing. Some days it seems that progress has been made and I feel so uplifted and energized. Then, another day it seems like we take 3 steps backward and I feel so discouraged and disheartened. Today is one of the disheartening days. I have to continue to remind myself that she is not a Christian, and I can’t expect her treat me like my Christian friends do. I am sure that Christa felt the same way during some of her moments as Ashley’s roomate, but she continued to be patient… and it sure paid off.
I needed this so much. Thank you for sharing her story. I was to a point today where I just wanted to throw in the towel and give up…then I thought of Ashley. God wants Lindsay too! She is going to come to an event at my church next Monday where we are sharing the gospel. I am praying that this night will be the night that God grabs her! Will everyone who reads this please pray for her?
Still pressing on as a fruitcake,
Missy Smith
Galatians 5:6b
May 5th, 2009 at 10:38 PM
Hey Missy,
Praying for you and for Lindsay
II Thes 2:16-17
blessings~
May 5th, 2009 at 11:18 PM
Hey Missy, just wanted to say keep on keeping on and thanks for sharing about your friend Lindsay :) will pray for you as you continue to be a witness to her through your life, words & actions and that God will really work powerfully in Lindsay at that church event :)
~Priscilla
May 8th, 2009 at 1:13 AM
Missy
Be still and know that He is God. God is good and I believe He
will change Lindsey and that she will be used powerfully in God’s
Kingdom!!!
Keep the passion burning.
Quintin
May 8th, 2009 at 11:18 PM
I first heart Ashley’s story last year at Passion in Atlanta. I left there thinking “I want to be a Fruitcake!” I have shared that with so many people and just recently bought the DVD Fruitcake and Ice Cream. Just last night I gave it to someone to watch. She told me she didn’t need to watch it since I had already told her the story. She doesn’t think she is getting through to someone in a similar situation as Christa and Ashley. But I only told her half the story. She has to hear it for herself and see how it ends. I expect to hear from her real soon.
It amazes me that Ashley’s story has not ended; that she has been a witness for God long after her few short months as a Christian in this world. God is Awesome!
May 10th, 2009 at 3:56 PM
I also want to thank the friends and family for letting Ashley’s story to be used.
I lost my main christian support on my brother’s birthday this Friday, it was my grandma. I was heart broken and my brother told me you need to go watch Louie’s talk Hope When Life Hurts Most. Instead I got on here and saw this blog. So thanks again.
Take care,
Ali
May 12th, 2009 at 5:40 AM
It has been so strange watching people all over the world fall in love with my best friend after she died. The world may move on but as for those in our circle she is not forgotten. I will always miss her smile and laughter
May 20th, 2009 at 11:01 PM
This feels weird, I don’t have any idea who might read this. All I know is I need help and Ashley’s story came to me when I have had my world shaken to it’s core. My husband and I lost our own Ashley 16 days ago in an auto accident. She was 16 yrs old and our princess. 9 days ago we lost our 21 yr old son, Andrew, also in an auto accident. Life as we have known it, which was truly wonderful, is over. This is all I can say for now. Please pray. Amy Ford
May 26th, 2009 at 10:22 AM
This is one of my favorite stories of how God works. The first time I heard it was at the passion conference at Gerorge Mason University last year. Reading the first half of your blog helped me to exhale a little but this morning. My dad died from cancer back in Dec at Christmas time. I knew he was sick for six months but it turned out he was actually sick for ten years and I had no idea until the cancer started doing the damage. I had to start my first semester at a new college in Florida a couple weeks after he died. I have had problems with some people at my church and the issues seemed to have escalated since my dad died. I have many regrets and anger and I miss him a lot. But one of the hardest things to deal was, like you said, people being around for the first couple weeks then everyone goes back to their normal lives an leaves you out in the dark while you’re still hurting deeply. My heart has been heavy for a while now and I can’t remember the last time I went to bed having peace. My dad was well known musician in Europe (http://goldengospelsingers.com/) and even the group is so caught up in who is taking over that I haven’t heard from anyone since Dec. It hurts a lot. I’ve had your dvd “Hope when life hurts most” I watched it the other day and it was encouraging for me even though I had seen a few times. I can feel God calling me back to Him but another part of me just wants to walk away from the church and a relationship with Him. Everything is just very confusing. I’m not sure who reads and keeps up with the comments but I want to Thank you Mr. Giglio for all you do, you have been an encouragement to me and many others.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:26 AM
Amy, I read your post and I am so sorry for the tragedy that has hit your family.My heart is heavy for you guys but I don’t think that there are any words to say at this point. you’ve probably heard it all. Please feel free to contact me when ever you want. mcsingleton@seuniversity.edu
May 31st, 2009 at 9:48 PM
Amy,
I am overwhelmed by the depth of saddness that must be in your heart right now. May you be feeling the even greater depths of comfort that the Lord has promised for He WILL comfort those who are mourning and He can make something beautiful come from your tradgedy, as only He can do. Amy I am so very sorry for both you and your husband. I will pray for you often and for your son Adam, too. Though I do not know you my heart is breaking for you. Cling to the Lord and your husband.